Black Eyed Peas' lead singer Will.i.am should rename himself
Will.e.cantsing. In a performance ranking up there with the
Roseanne national anthem debacle, the Peas have proven once
again that talent is often not a prerequisite for gaining fame
and, shudder, fortune.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Friday, April 23, 2010
American Idol
Never watched american idol before, but for some reason, i'm sucked in this year. So, here we go...
The main reason for watching this stuff is super judge Simon. What the other three judges say is meaningless and boring (why is Ellen on this show???). He is no doubt an arrogant, self centered twit, but he is funny as hell on this show. Telling drooling, would-be superstars that he would "turn off the radio in ten seconds" if their song was being played is pretty funny.
His little foil, Ryan Seacrest is........i dont know.......i have no idea. He is a little 30ish blond guy who seems like a little boy who stumbled into some kind of alice in wonderland hidden tunnel. Lame wise cracks directed at Simon who could no doubt have poor ryan for a snack if he was that desperately hungry. But i guess he serves his purpose as some kind of host. i suppose.
In a nutshell (who makes up these idioms anyway???), Aaron is a tiny little fellow who is 16 and looks ten. He is a pretty decent voice but it feels like he may be the younger brother of Casey, who promised his parents he would babysit little Aaron while his parents vacationed in a far-off country.
Casey is the resident cool guy with all the hair, the three hundred white teeth and a broad smile that seems to say "I am so much better looking than these other stiffs, and if I don't win, America is stupid." Memo to Casey. You aren't going to win. Don't worry. You could front INXS. Not too bad.
Siobhan who is beyond annoying, won't win either. I don't get her in any form, human, or otherwise. She seems to hate being on the show, she does the Mariah Carey /Celine Ding Dong kind of screech, and she is scary because its very clear she wants to kill the judges. Go home and pout somwhere else.
Big Mike is a 700-pound weight trainer with shoulders the size of Cleveland, and an ego to match. He seemed lovable at first with his little baby stories but he now he just seems boring so go home Mike, and try out for the Steelers.
Lee seems like a decent guy, who has been criticized for being dull. Maybe puppy dog eyes and a disarming smile don't click with some of the judges. I think i recall Ellen saying she liked him (what, again, is Ellen doing on this show??? Although, to be fair, what are randy and that Karla on this show for? Just have Simon sit there and make fun of everyone......now that would be a show).
Anyway, I like Lee. Kind of a cool, gruff voice, and he seems to be subtly stunned that he is still in the competetion. Telling him he is singing before millions of people is probably not a good idea. He doesn't need to know that.
The winner of this thing (unless the voters are deaf) will be Crystal, who seems in that proverbial league of her own. She has a powerful voice that you can actually feel, she cries at the sight of her father (in a good way), she has a changeable personality (kind of sullen at first, but now more extroverted, energetic, and.......she smiles!) and she dresses in anything she damn well feels like. Feels like a 2010 Stevie Nicks. Another good thing. And she pulled off the Beatles' Come Together. She even looks good with an earing or whatever its called in her lip. It's all yours Crystal.
The main reason for watching this stuff is super judge Simon. What the other three judges say is meaningless and boring (why is Ellen on this show???). He is no doubt an arrogant, self centered twit, but he is funny as hell on this show. Telling drooling, would-be superstars that he would "turn off the radio in ten seconds" if their song was being played is pretty funny.
His little foil, Ryan Seacrest is........i dont know.......i have no idea. He is a little 30ish blond guy who seems like a little boy who stumbled into some kind of alice in wonderland hidden tunnel. Lame wise cracks directed at Simon who could no doubt have poor ryan for a snack if he was that desperately hungry. But i guess he serves his purpose as some kind of host. i suppose.
In a nutshell (who makes up these idioms anyway???), Aaron is a tiny little fellow who is 16 and looks ten. He is a pretty decent voice but it feels like he may be the younger brother of Casey, who promised his parents he would babysit little Aaron while his parents vacationed in a far-off country.
Casey is the resident cool guy with all the hair, the three hundred white teeth and a broad smile that seems to say "I am so much better looking than these other stiffs, and if I don't win, America is stupid." Memo to Casey. You aren't going to win. Don't worry. You could front INXS. Not too bad.
Siobhan who is beyond annoying, won't win either. I don't get her in any form, human, or otherwise. She seems to hate being on the show, she does the Mariah Carey /Celine Ding Dong kind of screech, and she is scary because its very clear she wants to kill the judges. Go home and pout somwhere else.
Big Mike is a 700-pound weight trainer with shoulders the size of Cleveland, and an ego to match. He seemed lovable at first with his little baby stories but he now he just seems boring so go home Mike, and try out for the Steelers.
Lee seems like a decent guy, who has been criticized for being dull. Maybe puppy dog eyes and a disarming smile don't click with some of the judges. I think i recall Ellen saying she liked him (what, again, is Ellen doing on this show??? Although, to be fair, what are randy and that Karla on this show for? Just have Simon sit there and make fun of everyone......now that would be a show).
Anyway, I like Lee. Kind of a cool, gruff voice, and he seems to be subtly stunned that he is still in the competetion. Telling him he is singing before millions of people is probably not a good idea. He doesn't need to know that.
The winner of this thing (unless the voters are deaf) will be Crystal, who seems in that proverbial league of her own. She has a powerful voice that you can actually feel, she cries at the sight of her father (in a good way), she has a changeable personality (kind of sullen at first, but now more extroverted, energetic, and.......she smiles!) and she dresses in anything she damn well feels like. Feels like a 2010 Stevie Nicks. Another good thing. And she pulled off the Beatles' Come Together. She even looks good with an earing or whatever its called in her lip. It's all yours Crystal.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Things Santa Must Not Deliver
Hopefully, Santa is merciful, and will not subject anyone to the following items:
1. Sarah Palin's book "Going Rogue". Honestly, who on the face of the earth needs to read about the latest in the long line of fame-seeking nitwits. Too bad she's so good looking.
2. An 8 X 10 photo of Larry King. If anyone wants a picture of Larry, buy a snapshot of Kermit the Frog. Same thing of course, but with Kermit, you can share with your kids. No one under 50 wants to gaze at Larry's wickedly warped grill.
3. Starbucks coupons. One Cafe Latte ( or"Cafe Latte bullshit things", as Larry David so aptly called them) costs about 3000 thousand dollars, and no one wants to put all their christmas eggs in one tiny basket.
4. Video's of reality shows. You can actually buy complete season's of such horrific junk as "Survivor". Insanity reaches a new level every time one of these moronic reality shows is blasted across t.v. screens. And then they sell these things on video? These shows are about as real as that thing stretched across Joan Rivers' skull.
5. Health Club memberships. If someone is not self-motivated to work out, they aren't going to work out. I once saw a guy at the club who weighed in the neighbourhood of 400 big ones. He crawled (literally) around the track once, mumbled something like "that probably killed a pound", and then headed for the exit. Never saw him again.
1. Sarah Palin's book "Going Rogue". Honestly, who on the face of the earth needs to read about the latest in the long line of fame-seeking nitwits. Too bad she's so good looking.
2. An 8 X 10 photo of Larry King. If anyone wants a picture of Larry, buy a snapshot of Kermit the Frog. Same thing of course, but with Kermit, you can share with your kids. No one under 50 wants to gaze at Larry's wickedly warped grill.
3. Starbucks coupons. One Cafe Latte ( or"Cafe Latte bullshit things", as Larry David so aptly called them) costs about 3000 thousand dollars, and no one wants to put all their christmas eggs in one tiny basket.
4. Video's of reality shows. You can actually buy complete season's of such horrific junk as "Survivor". Insanity reaches a new level every time one of these moronic reality shows is blasted across t.v. screens. And then they sell these things on video? These shows are about as real as that thing stretched across Joan Rivers' skull.
5. Health Club memberships. If someone is not self-motivated to work out, they aren't going to work out. I once saw a guy at the club who weighed in the neighbourhood of 400 big ones. He crawled (literally) around the track once, mumbled something like "that probably killed a pound", and then headed for the exit. Never saw him again.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Missing Chicklets
Recently, while flipping channels, i came across a bunch of apparent hillbillies driving around a track in homemade jalopy's. The purpose wasn't clear. What was clear was the brief interview with three of these drivers. Between them they had three teeth. One guy, an older coot, had two of them. His son, who appeared to be about 80, had one lonely tooth, and the grandson, who was maybe 50 was toothless. No one says these gross little kooks need to look like Tony Robbins, but this was quite a reminder for all of us to make a dentist appointment.
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Seriously
Seriously, is there anything more boring than football?
Seriously, aren't the people who fawn and drool over Paris Hilton a million times more pathetic than she is?
Seriously, if you love baseball, and haven't watched a spring training game live, you are legally insane.
Seriously, how many people would you trust with your life. Really.
Seriously, has there ever been a t.v. character funnier than George Costanza?
Seriously, being licked on the face by a little puppy is rejuvenating.
Seriously, if Johnny Carson was the best, and David Letterman a deserving second best, where would you put Jimmy Kimmel? How do people like Kimmel get t.v. shows? Seriously, what is the deal with that?
Seriously, is Larry King a frog? Every time i see that guy, it appears he is coming closer and closer to turning into Kermit.
Seriously, wouldn't any guy want to be as cool as Clint Eastwood, Robert DeNiro, Leonard Cohen, Bob Dylan, George Clooney, Bruce Springsteen, and Tom Waits?
Seriously, wouldn't it be fun to own a horse?
Seriously, unless we know virutally nothing about math, isn't it completely nuts to buy lottery tickets?
Seriously, has there ever been a better album cover than Rubber Soul? No there has not.
Seriously, aren't the people who fawn and drool over Paris Hilton a million times more pathetic than she is?
Seriously, if you love baseball, and haven't watched a spring training game live, you are legally insane.
Seriously, how many people would you trust with your life. Really.
Seriously, has there ever been a t.v. character funnier than George Costanza?
Seriously, being licked on the face by a little puppy is rejuvenating.
Seriously, if Johnny Carson was the best, and David Letterman a deserving second best, where would you put Jimmy Kimmel? How do people like Kimmel get t.v. shows? Seriously, what is the deal with that?
Seriously, is Larry King a frog? Every time i see that guy, it appears he is coming closer and closer to turning into Kermit.
Seriously, wouldn't any guy want to be as cool as Clint Eastwood, Robert DeNiro, Leonard Cohen, Bob Dylan, George Clooney, Bruce Springsteen, and Tom Waits?
Seriously, wouldn't it be fun to own a horse?
Seriously, unless we know virutally nothing about math, isn't it completely nuts to buy lottery tickets?
Seriously, has there ever been a better album cover than Rubber Soul? No there has not.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Paul Newman
Paul Newman starred in my favorite movie of all time - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. He was beyond cool, and remained so until the day he died. But donating over 250 million dollars to charities is no doubt the legacy for which he would want to be most remembered. Included in his charitable work was, and continues to be, the wonderful Hole In the Wall Gang camps, founded by Paul in 1998. These amazing camps, operating all over the world, allow children with serious illnesses to enjoy the beauty of childhood. As stated on the official website of the Hole in the Wall Gang...
"They (the camps) all share a common mission, which is to build self-esteem and restore joy to children who suffer from serious illnesses."
To everyone who donates their time and money to selflessness and charitable pursuits, here's a tip of the hat, and endless admiration, to all the Paul Newman's of the world.
"They (the camps) all share a common mission, which is to build self-esteem and restore joy to children who suffer from serious illnesses."
To everyone who donates their time and money to selflessness and charitable pursuits, here's a tip of the hat, and endless admiration, to all the Paul Newman's of the world.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Good, Bad, and the Ugly
In order, of course, as per the title........
1. Jerry Seinfeld, Donald Trump, Donald Trump.
2. Bill Gates, Ellen DeShutthehellup, Joan Rivers.
3. David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel, Larry King.
4. Bob Dylan, Celine Diondong, Steve Tyler.
5. Baseball, Soccer, Cricket.
6. Proper grammar, Bad grammar, You's.
7. Stewie, Brian Mulroney, Ben Mulroney.
8. Robert DeNiro, Keanu Reeves, Carrot Top.
9. Summer, Winter, Sudbury.
10. Hank Aaron, Barry Bonds, Randy Johnson.
11. Traveling Wilbury's, Spice Girls, Kid Rock.
12. Dexter, Survivor, Dancing with the Idiots.
13. Clint Eastwood, Chuck Norris, Clay Aiken.
14. Ernie Harwell, Ken Harrelson, Ken Harrelson.
15. A Hard Day's Night, Pauly Shore movies, Dr. Phil.
16. Detroit Tigers home uniforms, Buffalo Sabres slug jersey, the doofus who puts his own name on his personal jersey.
17. Open-air stadiums, astroturf, Rogers Centre.
18. A well-constructed sentence, Repetition repetition, Speling erors.
19. Sex, No sex, Sex with Rosie O'Donnell.
20. Bruce Springsteen, Rick Springfield, Jerry Springer.
1. Jerry Seinfeld, Donald Trump, Donald Trump.
2. Bill Gates, Ellen DeShutthehellup, Joan Rivers.
3. David Letterman, Jimmy Kimmel, Larry King.
4. Bob Dylan, Celine Diondong, Steve Tyler.
5. Baseball, Soccer, Cricket.
6. Proper grammar, Bad grammar, You's.
7. Stewie, Brian Mulroney, Ben Mulroney.
8. Robert DeNiro, Keanu Reeves, Carrot Top.
9. Summer, Winter, Sudbury.
10. Hank Aaron, Barry Bonds, Randy Johnson.
11. Traveling Wilbury's, Spice Girls, Kid Rock.
12. Dexter, Survivor, Dancing with the Idiots.
13. Clint Eastwood, Chuck Norris, Clay Aiken.
14. Ernie Harwell, Ken Harrelson, Ken Harrelson.
15. A Hard Day's Night, Pauly Shore movies, Dr. Phil.
16. Detroit Tigers home uniforms, Buffalo Sabres slug jersey, the doofus who puts his own name on his personal jersey.
17. Open-air stadiums, astroturf, Rogers Centre.
18. A well-constructed sentence, Repetition repetition, Speling erors.
19. Sex, No sex, Sex with Rosie O'Donnell.
20. Bruce Springsteen, Rick Springfield, Jerry Springer.
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