Things Santa Must Not Deliver

Hopefully, Santa is merciful, and will not subject anyone to the following items:

1. Sarah Palin's book "Going Rogue". Honestly, who on the face of the earth needs to read about the latest in the long line of fame-seeking nitwits. Too bad she's so good looking.

2. An 8 X 10 photo of Larry King. If anyone wants a picture of Larry, buy a snapshot of Kermit the Frog. Same thing of course, but with Kermit, you can share with your kids. No one under 50 wants to gaze at Larry's wickedly warped grill.

3. Starbucks coupons. One Cafe Latte ( or"Cafe Latte bullshit things", as Larry David so aptly called them) costs about 3000 thousand dollars, and no one wants to put all their christmas eggs in one tiny basket.

4. Video's of reality shows. You can actually buy complete season's of such horrific junk as "Survivor". Insanity reaches a new level every time one of these moronic reality shows is blasted across t.v. screens. And then they sell these things on video? These shows are about as real as that thing stretched across Joan Rivers' skull.

5. Health Club memberships. If someone is not self-motivated to work out, they aren't going to work out. I once saw a guy at the club who weighed in the neighbourhood of 400 big ones. He crawled (literally) around the track once, mumbled something like "that probably killed a pound", and then headed for the exit. Never saw him again.

Missing Chicklets

Recently, while flipping channels, i came across a bunch of apparent hillbillies driving around a track in homemade jalopy's. The purpose wasn't clear. What was clear was the brief interview with three of these drivers. Between them they had three teeth. One guy, an older coot, had two of them. His son, who appeared to be about 80, had one lonely tooth, and the grandson, who was maybe 50 was toothless. No one says these gross little kooks need to look like Tony Robbins, but this was quite a reminder for all of us to make a dentist appointment.