Facebookmania

I have a friend. Let's call him Bill (which, as fate would have it, is his real name). Bill is a facebook addict with thousands of "best pals" stretching from his home in Waterloo, Ontario to somewhere in the Arctic.

From the comfort of her igloo, Yoskolo sends daily updates about her life (I made a snowman today!) to Bill, who manages to write her several times a day. The name Yoskolo, by the way, means "breaking off sugar-pine cones." To commemorate his 1000th note to Yoskolo, Bill went to a nearby forest, and, naturally, broke off a sugar-pine cone.

"I take my facebook responsibilities very seriously", Bill told me. "I have a friend in Russia named Yevgeniy. Lovely guy. Anyway, recently he had to undergo a minor medical procedure on his foot. So for good luck, I carried a ruble around with me all day. And guess what? Y (I call him Y) had successful surgery and is now walking with the ease of a panther."

Happily married, Bill avoids the pitfalls of many online friendships. Recently a twentyish young beauty from Spain named Concepcion, made a gentle suggestion to Bill that they might meet for, as she wrote, "a little in-person facebook meet-and-greet."
Always prepared, Bill already knew the meaning of young Concepcion's name, and consequently realized this was one trip he was not about to make. Concepcion's name meant "fertile one". Naturally, he smoothly rebuffed her invitation, simply writing, "My dear internet friend, I fear it will be many years before i visit Spain. Please feel free to pursue your desires, and while doing so, keep my friendship close to your heart. And besides, my wife would kill me."

Billy R. Smooth as silk.