Pee Pee Pain

It's always a real hoot to sit back and watch someone else squirm. Squirm, as in, holding "it" in, until an available rest stop makes an appearance.

Of course we're talking about having to go potty without the pot. And if you are in a jeep full of man-children, it's a real blast, providing you are not the unfortunate sap whose eyes are beginning to turn yellow.

Recently, I was lucky enough NOT be on the receiving end of this knee-squeezing horror. I was also even luckier to be driving. Meaning that a friend of mine......let's call him Bill (since that's his name), was at my mercy. And who doesn't enjoy watching a good friend turn inside out while his weenie begins to feel like Mount Vesuvius? Exactly. Nobody.

When the begging crossed the line from amusing to desperation, I exited the 401, and found a car pool. "Is this o.k.?" I asked. "ANYWHERE IS O.K. YOU ASS!!!", Bill screamed. Well, I thought that was kind of funny, so I thought driving around the parking lot might be worth a chuckle or two. And it sure was. Everybody really thought that was funny. Except Bill of course, whose body was convulsing.

On the fourth time around the car pool, I thought I should probably stop, and increase my odds for living. I considered a fifth trip around (just for the nostalgia), but i thought the chances of Bill peeing on me might be pretty good, so i scrapped that idea. So out the door Bill leapt, out came Mr. Wee Wee, and so began a flood that brought Noah's ark to mind. The sound of that kind of pent up misery hitting pavement is deafening. And naturally, damn funny. Well, of course Bill didn't think it was that funny. When he emptied the tank ten minutes later, next to a very unlucky shiny Porsche, we were all happy (except the Porsche of course, which could be seen floating towards a nearby cornfield).

It's true. Suffering can be fun. Providing you are driving and your pal has a gyser in his pants.